Hi there!
I miss our heart-to-heart ladies' talks. Wahhh! It feels like it’s been months since we had one. I truly hope we can catch up soon. I'm praying that everyone is safe, and let’s continue to lift up the weather situation and all the people who need warmth, shelter, and comfort right now.
I think I just need to write this — I can’t breathe anymore, haha! I attended a wedding last week and, once again, I was a bridesmaid. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Char! 😅
Honestly, I was genuinely happy seeing my friend finally get there. But sometimes, I can’t help but wonder why it’s taking me so long. I used to deeply desire getting married. I’d feel a little jealous whenever one of my friends walked down the aisle in her white dress. But now, I find myself letting those desires pass — not because they’re completely gone, but because they no longer hold me the way they used to.
I’ve found security in God’s arms knowing that whether or not someone ever comes along, I am fully loved, fully seen, and fully pursued by the King of Kings. But still, there are nights when loneliness creeps in quietly and deeply. During the rainfall, in the silence between moments, in both the quiet and the noisy days.
Yet when I walked through deep waters, through seasons that felt uncelebrated, when it seemed like He was the only one interested in me, I learned not to chase external validation. I used to long so desperately to be seen and loved, but now, I’ve learned to rest. It’s liberating to no longer exhaust yourself searching for significance in things you can sense, touch, or see. Because truly, the unseen things weigh the most.
As women, we sometimes measure our worth by how much love we receive — by whether we have a man standing beside us, a child we’ve given birth to, or, if not that, then by what we accomplish: our work, our careers, our ministries. But I’m learning that our worth was never meant to be measured by any of these things. Christ is our hope. He is the One who satisfies the deepest longings of our hearts, the One who covers us in His perfect love.
Even so, I think I’m ready — not just for love, but for wholeness, whatever that looks like. Though sometimes, I step backward when someone comes. It feels unfamiliar. I think I’ve been afraid to open my heart and risk being bruised. I’ve guarded it too tightly, built walls too high.
Do you feel the same?
Like someone comes and brings clarity… then suddenly, you shrink back in fear?
I wonder when my journal entries will stop being about waiting, and finally shift to walking forward, ready to cross into the next season and see its beauty.
I don’t want to be a coward, afraid to open my heart, especially when I know that God is the One guarding it. I don’t want to be led only by emotions and feelings. I believe that when God’s will and Word take the driver’s seat in our lives, our emotions and desires are finally free to follow — safely, clearly, and without regret.
So for now, I’ll keep finding my way back into His arms, until He gently leads me to the path where he is — my suitable counterpart, the one He has prepared just for me.
And yes...
Do I still hope that someone will come?
Someone who will wait, be gentle, and offer a kind, faithful love?
Yes, I do.
