At times, I hurriedly daydream about my future, trying to understand every intricate pattern of life, finding ways through each maze, and wanting every dream to come true. But now, looking at myself, I cannot help but feel a little disappointed with how things have turned out. I get frustrated when life does not match the picture I once painted in my mind.
Yet in the middle of that frustration, I realize there are still things that make this life worth living. What could be more wonderful than being surrounded by people, even if they are messy and bruised like me, who still carry the power to heal parts of me too? The very ones who hurt me the most are also the ones who push me to keep going. It is ironic, but maybe that is how family works.
On my table lie tons of papers, and sometimes I just want to crumple them all. But when I see the names and the stories written there, I am reminded of the dream I had when I was six, the dream of becoming a teacher, of holding chalk in my hand and guiding others to see the world differently. And now, everyone knows that our English teacher, my favorite poet, is getting married. She was the one who taught me to find rhyme in words, to hear a song in every hurt, and to write until it no longer hurt anymore.
I am older now, not exactly successful in the eyes of many. I feel a little lonely for not finding my daylight. I feel rushed to figure everything out, worried that I will never become the person I dreamed of being or find the love I have prayed for. Honestly, I feel like I am lacking, not just something but many things, when I look at life from a different angle.
Yet as August ends, I still think it is a good life. Not perfect, but good. I have already stopped hoping everything will turn out flawless—the people around me, this life I live. But I just hope that when my end is near, I can stay longer in His arms. Because in the end, the dream I have been chasing in this world unfolds in Him, the perfect One, the perfect life, in His promise. The promise of eternity for those who wait for Him and long for heaven. And until that day comes, I will keep walking, sometimes tired and sometimes unsure, but always with the hope that each step draws me nearer to Him.
