To My Future Children,
It seems your father is still a long way off—or maybe, it’s me who walks slowly. Perhaps it’s absurd to write this now. I never dreamed of getting married as a kid, and honestly, I used to be scared of the thought of having children. Even now, the idea of holding you in my arms feels both beautiful and terrifying—so maybe, just not yet.
As I grow older, I find myself more in awe of young moms. I see girls younger than me already raising children, and I wonder, How do they do it? I’m in my twenties now, still figuring out life. Sometimes I wonder, Will the letters I wrote back then ever reach your dad’s heart? Is he even reading them? Probably not—he still feels so far away.
I know… writing love letters to someone I haven’t met sounds cheesy. And now I’m writing to you, too. Openly. It’s kind of embarrassing. I’m not even sure if I’ll ever get to meet you. I’m enjoying my season of single blessedness. I truly am. But then again... there are days I wish someone could open a bottle for me, walk beside me when I’m afraid to commute at night, or just hold my hand through the little things. So OA, right? Wahahahahhaha. But it’s faith that keeps me hoping—hope that isn't seen. That’s what “living by faith and not by sight” also means: longing for the unseen and trusting God with quiet, hidden prayers.
Will I ever be a mom?
Will I get to brush your hair, trace letters with you, or play hide and seek on a quiet afternoon?
Why are these thoughts coming now? Maybe because something in me has changed.
I once just wanted to be a rich, independent girly.
But God works on us—softly, slowly, steadily.
If I ever get the chance to hold you, I would gladly tell you about the prayers of your grandmother—how she persevered in life and fought battles on her knees, even when her world was falling apart, how my father cooks the best meals. I'd share with you the Bible stories that struck my heart, the very same stories that gave me strength. And most of all, I’d tell you about the One who loved me first—Jesus.
The life before you wasn’t easy. But in everything, God showed His faithfulness to our family.
Of course, before you come, I still hope to walk down the aisle first—so your father should come before you. Sometimes I feel like I’ve attended all my best friends' weddings already. I laugh at how I’ve started feeling like an old tita during meet-and-greets and blind dates—so tiring for a homebody like me. Why can’t your dad just knock at my door already? Hahaha.
But again, I wait. Not in frustration, but in faith. Because everything good and beautiful comes in His perfect time.
So if one day this letter finds you—know that you were thought of long before you were born. Not just by me, but by a God who has written your story far better than I ever could.
Until then... I’m waiting in faith.
—Mom (maybe someday)
