It’s the last day of November, and I don’t have any write-ups for this month. Ironically, writing should be easier now, with all the tools that check grammar, spelling, and even suggest better phrasing. But I can’t even write.
I’ve been sluggish about entering my creative corner. Deadlines pile up, and I barely have time to sit in silence, gaze at the moon, dance with it, tumble on my bed with scattered papers, or rest the laptop and let thoughts flow. I tell myself writing isn’t a priority, but I miss it so badly.
It feels different now. I admit I don’t have the same faith in myself that I did three years ago. Growing older feels like reality whispering, “There’s so much to do instead of writing.” There’s a weariness in the cycle of going home, sleeping, working, and repeating. I’m grateful for my profession, but it can feel lonely, because journaling and writing have always felt so liberating and nourishing for me. Sometimes, I just want to take a leave from everything and simply write, but I can’t.
I miss when writing felt like collecting manna daily, relying on God’s whispers, His daily guidance, and provision. I didn’t need to know where I was going. I just moved into His flow, like birds, trees, and flowers, without overthinking the future. Daily journaling nourished my soul. Now distractions and pressures are overwhelming.
How do I keep up?
“Try tears.”
I’m reading Secrets of the Secret Place by Bob Sorge. Chapter 33, The Secret of Tears, moved me. Sorge writes that tears are liquid words. They say more than speech often can. Words can be platitudes; tears come straight from the heart. We cry because we desire, or because we are in pain. Tears are the language of longing. If we lack desire, God may cultivate it in us by seeming to withdraw in mercy. Famine makes us hungry, drought makes us thirsty. The inner chamber of prayer gains impetus from the liquid power of tears. Do you long for a deeper reality in your walk with God? Try tears.
That passage breaks me. I couldn’t write because I wasn’t honest with Him. I try to withhold my heart from God, thinking I should “know better” now that I’m older. I feel shy laying down my desires before Him, convinced He has bigger priorities. My prayers feel small, maybe even irrelevant.
But he’s a good Father. God knows the number of my hairs. He cares about me and you. He understands us more than we understand ourselves. Sometimes we grow quiet, even aloof, with God because it feels like He isn’t interested in us. Yet He is. He sees every detail, knows our weaknesses, observes our failures, and still calls us His children. He delights when we pick ourselves up and step forward into His arms. How comforting it is to know we can bring the whole package of our inadequacies before Him and still be embraced.
I admit I am no longer the one who desperately desires Him. Many other desires sway me and drown out His whisper. It’s the norm now. We want stable jobs to support our families, we prepare for the future, and we think we must do something for our future selves and future family. We work so hard we forget He’s the source of everything — our strength, life, talents, skills, and creativity. These are all good things, to persevere and not to be lazy, but apart from Him, we’re nothing. He holds the future we often fear.
I am learning again that He is a good Father. I don’t need to be independent or try to do everything with my own hands. My Father, my lover, healer, partner, best friend, and King, sees everything in me and can provide for me, for my family, and for my future family. He protects and strengthens me in ways I cannot even imagine, guarding my heart and giving me courage to face each day. He invites me to confess all my weaknesses, to lay down my pride and my self-reliant self, and to come to Him through honest surrender. He holds my hand when there’s a journal to be written, and walks with me at night when I long for someone to fetch me. He provides daily bread and showers blessings when drought approaches. He is not a man who lies or changes His mind. He promises and fulfills. Every little thing He does is for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. He is my sun and shield. He bestows favor and honor. No good thing does He withhold. So I can hope unswervingly in the promises I’ve carried since I was little, for He who promised is faithful. I will not lose heart waiting on Him, because every day I am being renewed.
So, my journal buddies, when you are in writer’s block, stuck, or unsure, try tears. God collects them. Go deep into His Word and remember that He speaks truth. The enemy wants you anxious, worried, and doubting. He wants you to forget that God is loving and remembers you. Lay down all those burdens and come to the Lord. He makes you lie down in green pastures. He leads you beside quiet waters. He restores your soul and guides you in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
What I’m really learning, and really trying to practice, though I still struggle to be consistent, is this: find a secret place, pray, read the Word, and memorize verses so that when temptations come, you have something to speak and hold on to. Practice honest surrender, offer honest prayers, and remember that telling God your desires as a woman isn’t wrong at all. Sink deeply into the truth that God is a good, good Father. And apart from Him, I am nothing.